LUSTIG, SADIE A.

[SADIE ALEXIS LUSTIG]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i54.tinypic.com/2nqfdd2.jpg); border: solid 5px #d6d6d6; width: 250px; -webkit-border-radius: 50px 4px 50px 4px; -moz-border-radius: 50px 4px 50px 4px; line-height:85%; margin-top: 5px] SADIE ALEXIS LUSTIG, "reassure me that you'll wait for me, wait for me as long as it takes and i'll hold my breath" TWENTY-TWO | FRIEND | DOWN OVER DOVER | SAM FRANZ "SO TELL ME, WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?" "my name? sadie lustig. i'm twenty-two, and i'm a friend of down over dover. or a girlfriend. i - i guess it depends on who and when you ask me, h - haha. but. i suppose i'm with spencer. but like i said, it depends." "RIGHT RIGHT, SORRY. SO TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF." "i've really got nothing much to tell. everyone says i'm very one-dimensional, and they're fairly right. i'm a wallflower at best, i'm not so fun or funseeking like other people around me are. i like peace and quiet and i just observe rather than participate. i have a lot of fears and insecurities about people not liking me and even more over getting hurt or talked about if i do the wrong things, so i choose just to like, not do anything at all. it saves me some trouble even if it makes me the one that no one really likes. i'm unbelievably shy in any situation, even the people i've known for years still make me nervous whenever i talk to them. i mean, i don't really talk too much til my input is asked for, or if i actually know what to say. a lot of people say that the way i talk is like how luna lovegood talks, not that i'm airy, but my voice is just innocent. i like being home a lot more than i like going out, you can kind of call me anti-social but i'd rather work on my designs and my work than being out partying with other people my age. i don't know. it's never been my scene. my father was sort of an alcoholic, not to a bad point but it's made me not want to drink. i guess i like being in my own comfort zone. i'm not very good with change in the sense that i would rather prefer the usual as opposed to something new, and new situations make me more than a little nervous. i'm a neurotic mess. i'm paranoid about what people think about me, i like to be on everyone's good side as much as i can because knowing that people might be angry with or hate me makes me very upset. i worry way too much and i'm most concerned with everyone's well being, and i'm...well, i like to fix people. or try to. i try to help remove the worst in people, even if it gets me hurt in the end. and i get hurt a lot. i'm pretty much a huge pushover, everyone never fails to tell me that i have absolutely no backbone and that i don't know how to be upfront. i don't disagree or dispute it, because it's all true. everyone's right. i've never yelled at anyone, and i just... i take it, when other people yell at me, too. i don't like conflict. if i can avoid it, i will, even if it means being torn apart. at least you'll feel better about yourself, right? i don't know why i don't stand up for myself, i guess it's because i'd rather myself get hurt in any way rather than other people. i try my hardest to be me. i really do. i cherish my family and my close friends more than anything, and i'd gladly die for anyone. despite all my weakness, at least my strength is knowing that there is good in every person out there. no matter how poorly i've been treated, i will stand by you. i know i shouldn't let people walk over me the way that they do, but. it's just my personality. i don't have the confidence that other people have, i don't have a lot of desire or ambition about things, but when something does matter i will stick and fight for it. or, well. i'll wait for it. i'm emotional to the last drop of my being. a lot of things offend me easily and make me upset, and it's not much of a surprise if you catch me turning my head away because my lip is quivering and i look like i'm about to cry. i cry a lot, h - haha. over pretty much everything. it's pathetic. i know, i'm pathetic. i'm very sorry. did i mention i was also super apologetic? i also don't have the highest self esteem in the world, not even close. a lot of people tell me how gorgeous i am, how i should smile more and be happy. i've modeled before, but. it's just so superficial. and i hate it. it sucks, when you know you have a pretty face but you can't be happy about it. i don't know. i should talk about something else. i am happy, sometimes. but it's just really rare lately, i've been so busy and stressed out over everything that i don't really have time to be happy. which sounds really sad. i've been told that when i'm happy, it's the cutest thing. i guess it's because my smile is nice, i like that about myself. and my eyes, their blueness comes out more when i'm happy, as it should. i think most people would kill to switch places with me because of what i look like and who i am. but the truth is, i'd probably rather switch places with them, because they're probably a hundred percent happier than i am. all i wish for every day is to be happy. i'd like to think that even if i'm quiet, i'm still good, and that i deserve all that life has to offer for me. i know i don't have many friends, and that not a lot of people like me or think i'm the best person ever, but i love with all my heart and soul. it's probably the worst trait about me aside from the crying part, that i will love unconditionally no matter what happens. and at least in that sense, it shows i'm genuine and i will never leave you, even if i should. a - ask spencer. he can tell you that." "INTERESTING! WHERE WAS IT THAT YOU SAID YOU COME FROM?" "i'm...a very modest girl. i'm the youngest of three, the only girl. my brothers are 24 and 26 and they're very close to and very protective of me. when we were kids my parents moved us from upstate new york to delaware - we had always gone down there for the beach in christiana, so, you know. it was a comfort zone to us even after moving. i went to high school with the guys who are in down over dover - anton and i were in a lot of classes together and i knew griffin by association, but um. i guess the only relevance i have around here is that i'm spencer vasquez's girlfriend. o - or, was. i really don't know, i don't know what i am to him anymore. he used to be so nice. not that he isn't now, but. he's just... different. he used to do all these nice things for me all the time, back when he started liking me in high school. i still remember how he used to look at me back then, h - haha. like there was nothing and no one else in the world. it was really nice. and you know, as a girl, you always dream of finding that one guy in your life. he was so good, and he was the first person to tell me he loved me. i never really dated anyone else before him, and he was perfect to me so i believed him. but. this was all in high school, h - haha. a lot changes from when you were seventeen. - i think the only thing that hasn't changed is how much his sister hates me, though. but... spencer and i, we were so steady for three years, then. i don't know. the year we turned twenty-one, he started to change. i didn't really think much of it, cause everyone changes, right? i was working and studying art and journalism at college, and he was all into being in the band with anton and griffin. that band was pretty much his life and time, it was all of theirs. and of course i was always at every show and stuff, supporting them, but. i - i don't know. they got signed to skyshot, cause they're friends with the owners, a - and then. then he changed. like, really really changed. i mean, i was happy for him and the rest of the guys, of course. but spencer... he started going on bigger tours, leaving for longer, and before i knew it i wasn't calling him spence anymore, it was always spencer. like how could i call him something affectionate when he was different from what i had known before? a - and then. then i found out he'd... he'd been cheating on me with other girls on tour, different ones in every city they went to, maybe even multiple ones in one night. i - i don't know. he said it only happened w - when he was drunk, that i - i should know that his weakness was girls when he was under the influence, a - and. and i just, i said okay. i said "okay, spence, it's okay. i love you and if you love me, then it's okay." and i took him back. and i still take him back. every time, for the last year. i'm stupid, i know. all my friends have told me to dump him and just forget it, because i'm too good for him. b - but i love him, and i still know that somewhere in him, he still loves me, too. i don't know why that makes it acceptable in my head, because i - if he loved me, he wouldn't do that to me. i - i just. i don't know. i - it sucks, because when he's drunk he calls me and tells me how much he misses me, and i just tell him i miss him too, because it's the truth. i spend a lot of nights crying because of him, just knowing he might be with someone else and wondering what he's saying to them and wondering if he thinks about me, if he can feel how i feel sometimes. i'm stupidly devoted to him. even if he yells at me whenever we talk soberly about how i shouldn't let him do this to me. i just. i can't help it. i don't know, i know i'm a fool for not doing anything about it. but it's because i can't bring myself to be without him, you know? i can't see him being with anyone else but me, no matter what. h - he's good to me, i promise. i might be delusional, but. i feel it in my heart that this will end, that he'll stop one day and just come back to me, stay with me and love me like he used to. i don't know where we really are right now, h - haha. i just know that i'm supposed to visit him s - soon, on tour. m - maybe he'll change, when he sees me." "WOW. SO WHAT IS A DAY IN THE LIFE OF YOU LIKE?" "i wake up and go to my classes. i'm a semester away from graduating because i took one off when spence was first touring, so i could be with him. i always take morning classes, so that i can do all my work in the afternoon and not worry. i'm a pretty hard worker, i get things done quickly. so after my homework and papers are finished, whichever is due the next day or during the week, i work on my designs. i make feather accessories as a hobby, i believe in a lot of that spiritual stuff and it does help me get through the days, emotionally and time-wise. i don't really do much, sometimes i go out to dinner with some of my girl friends but most days i'm in bed by ten. or until spencer drunk dials me. y - yeah. i don't really want to talk about that anymore." "NICE. LAST QUESTION... WHY ARE YOU WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW AND WHAT DOES THE FUTURE LOOK LIKE FOR YOU?" "i wish i had a solid answer. i don't know where i am, aside from knowing that my time in school is coming to a close and i'll be getting my diploma in the winter. it sucks. i've worked four years to reach a goal but i don't know where i'm going. one day i want to have my own business, have people look up to me and admire me for my dedication to my work. i don't know, maybe i'll start selling my creations elsewhere. my online store has started to get some publicity and popularity, so i'm working a lot towards improving and expanding that venture. and with this economy and how a lot of my friends aren't really getting jobs even with their degrees, it doesn't seem like a bad fall back plan. other than that... i don't know. i want what every girl and other person wants in life. to get married and have a family with the right person. one day.. but realistically, it's probably never going to happen. i just wish that i could figure out where i stand." "ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO ADD?" "i'm sorry. i really am." hey there, the name's steph. i live in the eastern time zone and this is my i need to go to rehab/most pathetic character.